Another First

Today, I played the role of "chazzan" for my first funeral.

It was intense and scary, sad and heartbreaking. An experience I wasn't looking forward to, though I knew it would come eventually.

Out of love and respect for this family and their loved ones, I don't want to speak too candidly about the experience. All I will say is that it doesn't matter how well you know the person who passed or the family in mourning--singing in front of the heartbroken family and friends of that person is difficult. For a sometimes overly-emotional person like me, who DID know the person (though not well) and has close ties to his family and friends, it's tough to put the blinders on and get the job done.

But somehow, I did, and the service went as well as could be expected.

I was truly honored to sing for this family, and it will be an experience I will never forget. Thank you for choosing me to help make the service a beautiful one for the hundreds of loved ones who attended. My heart and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

May Michael's memory be for a blessing, and may you all be comforted among the mourners of Zion.

My Summer Job/Cuteness Overload!!

The beautiful JCC campgrounds. The kids have access to an amazing playground, swimming pool, ball fields, pavilions and tons of beautiful shaded areas, in addition to the brand new JCC indoor facility.

This group was SO EXCITED to have their picture taken while they ate lunch. Cuteness overload #1.

This post contains an overwhelming amount of the most adorable Jewish children you'll ever see. The cuteness is so palpable, I bet even my dad will find these kids adorable :)

For the second summer in a row, I've been working for the St Louis JCC as the Music Specialist for their preschool camp. Basically, my job is to sing Jewish and children's songs with kids ages 3-5, while simultaneously basking in their cuteness, eating my fair share of icey-pops, and receiving at least 10 excited hugs a day. The other staff is an amazing group of teachers and teenagers who love children and day camps as much as I do. It's an honor and a pleasure to work with them, especially when they're not afraid to act silly with the kids and sing in the "monster voices" the kids have come to love so much.

Cuteness overload #2

I couldn't love the job more if I tried.

Did I mention I play my autoharp? I brought my guitar home from NYC to attempt to play that, instead, but chickened out when I remembered that I'd had my autoharp (a used gift from my rabbi a few years ago) repaired the summer before. The kids are FASCINATED by it, and ne'er a day goes by without at least one child sweetly requesting to play it. I'm always amazed at how gentle they are when they use their one finger (my rule) to strum the strings lightly. I think Dr Sims, my college elementary music ed professor, would be mighty proud to see my autoharpin' skills put to such good use. I'm clearly the cool kid on the block :)

I'm also amazed at the amount of songs these kids are able to pick up. We sing a lot in Hebrew, learning names of colors, body parts and family members in addition to the liturgical pieces we sing. They've also learned the sign language to Shalom Chaverim, which I find completely adorable when we sing it at the end of every music lesson. And seldom does a day go by when I don't sing "I'm Bringin' Home a Baby Bumblebee..." which the kids can not sing enough of (though their counselors and music teacher are pretty much over it...)

So, in case the pictures didn't quite overload you with cuteness, I've included some videos. The first is "Good Morning, Boker Tov", which is the way we begin every music lesson. I tell the kids the firemen across the street love to hear them, so they should sing nice and loud...but not scream (as they love to remind me!)

Cuteness overload #3

The next is a version of Hinei Mah Tov that the kids are addicted to...it's become such a part of our routine that they remind me if I "forget" to sing it.

Cuteness overload #4

I should also mention that these kids are going to be the next generation of American Idols...we have our own "American Idol" time everyday, when the kids can get up and sing a song of their choosing to their group members. I love that the kids are learning how to sing in front of others and how to be polite, respectful audience members. To hear some of them sing "LMNOP" during the alphabet song is too precious for words.

And, upon asking them what holiday was coming up on Saturday (Independence Day), the kids shouted "SHABBAT!!" at the top of their lungs. Instead of singing "Yankee Doodle", we sang Shabbat songs. I adore these children, and this job.

To say that I'm excited to one day lead Tot Shabbat services for my congregation is an understatement. I love, love LOVE this age group and the amazing things they can do.

Blog Makeover!

For a long time now, I've been wanting to give Blog Sameach a new look. My dear college friend Elizabeth, from McFar-gan: A Midwestern Matrimony, made the adorable header you see at the top of the page. From there, it was easy to tweak the layout and colors to match! I'm thrilled with the new look and I hope it's just as easy and fun to read as my previous layout. Many, many thanks to Elizabeth for helping to make this beautiful header--I love it!

If you have a chance, hop on over to her blog for her insights on life as a newly-married music teacher and Rockstar Adult!

Thanks again, Elizabeth!

A Summer of Simchas

It's been quite a busy summer here in St Louis! Besides working, I've been enjoying a plethora of happy occasions--4 weddings of friends and family, a cousin's Bat Mitzvah in Maine, and many happy reunions with old friends from high school and college. I've had the opportunity to sing in 4/5 of these events, learning the melodies of the liturgy of the Jewish wedding service and the feel and flow of a NON-Jewish wedding. I was also able to participate in some of the happiest moments of my families' lives, beaming with pride as I helped to marry my cousin Hilary and bless my distant cousin Sarah as she became a Bat Mitzvah.

The wedding madness began the day after I returned home to St Louis, with my friend Katy's wedding to her now-husband Erich. I enjoyed being a guest and watching my childhood rabbi marry these 2 lovely people. Katy and I have grown up together at Temple Israel, and we also attended Mizzou together. She was even my pledge daughter in our Sigma Alpha Iota years. At her wedding, I was reunite with some of my SAI sisters, which lead to a wonderful evening and reunion.

SAI sisters reunite! Top from left: Cassy, Katy, Tarrah, Stacey, Megan, me. Bottom from left: Cheryl, Christi

The next night, I was blessed to sing in my first Jewish wedding for my friends Josh and Emily. Josh and I have known each other since high school, where we sang in choir together. I'm honored to say that Josh is not only a friend of mine, but he is now officially also my colleague! He and his new wife Emily just arrived in Jerusalem for their first year as HUC students--Josh as a cantorial student (yay for men in the cantorate!) and Emily as a rabbinical student. I was excited to bestow the Sheva Brachot (Seven Wedding Blessings) and I am equally excited that they are beginning their careers as Jewish leaders. Though I don't have a good picture to share with you, I promise a good time was had by all who attended their lovely ceremony and reception.

Less than a week later, I stood under the chuppah of my cousin Hilary's wedding, where she married her love, Doug. This wedding was a big deal, not only because she is the first cousin on my dad's side of the family to get married, but because this was the first ceremony in which I've ever officially co-officiated! I stood next to St Louis legend Rabbi Joe Rosenblum and sang many of the traditional (not one not-so-traditional) wedding blessings to my cousin. It was a huge honor and pleasure to be given this duty, and I was thrilled with how beautifully everything turned out.

Singing a wedding blessing to my cousin Hilary and her now-husband Doug

The last wedding on my agenda for the summer was that of my college music-ed friend (and twin!) Elizabeth. This wedding was exciting on many levels, the highest being that it was my first-ever non-Jewish wedding. Until June 12, I had never attended a wedding ceremony that wasn't Jewish, and I had no idea how other religions run their wedding ceremonies. Elizabeth and Kyle's wedding was beautiful from start to finish; I love the variety of music they were able to include and the beautiful sense of spirituality that enveloped the entire church and congregation.

There was a slightly funny story involved with Elizabeth and Kyle's wedding that put me in a bit of a predicament. When Elizabeth first contacted me about singing in her wedding, she was interested in having me sing a set of Hebrew songs by composer Eric Whitacre. As the wedding came closer, she realized that the song needed to be a little shorter due to time constraints. So, she asked me and another friend of hers to sing a contemporary Christian song called "How Beautiful." When I first read through the lyrics, I was incredibly uncomfortable with singing this song in front of a group of old college friends--many people knew that I am Jewish and studying to be a cantor. How would it look for me to be singing this song in a church, in front of a pastor and God, knowing that I don't believe that the person I am singing to is as holy of a being as everyone else there believed? I didn't want to seem disrespectful or out-of-place, and I didn't want to sing a piece that seemed like a lie.

So I thought about it, and talked to very important people about it (my mom is pretty smart sometimes) and realized that it didn't matter what I believed or didn't believe. I was asked to sing a song to my friend, whom I dearly love, at her wedding. Of all the musical people she knows (and as a very successful music teacher and choir conductor, she knows a lot of talented musical people!) she asked ME to sing in her wedding. So I did, out of love and respect for my friend, her family, and her husband. The song turned out beautifully, and no one questioned my purpose or reasoning for singing it. After all, we both believe in the same God, and that God was certainly present for these lovely people on their special day. It was another one of those "it's not about me, it's about the congregation" moments that pop up all the time in my work on the bimah. Thanks, Elizabeth and Kyle, for not only allowing me to sing in your beautiful wedding, but also to think and learn this invaluable lesson.

Kyle and Elizabeth as they exited the church after the ceremony

The last simcha (thus far) of the summer didn't involve a wedding, but instead was the Bat Mitzvah of my mom's cousin's daughter, Sarah. The last time I saw Sarah was at a Bar Mitzvah 12 years ago (Sarah was 4 months old,) so it tells you how long it's been since I've seen this side of the family. My mom and I traveled to Waterville, Maine for the beautiful affair, and were reunited with cousins, aunts and uncles we haven't seen in far too long. All in all, it was a fun weekend of shmoozing, eating (duh) and wandering around Colby College and the other beautiful sights that Waterville has to offer. I should also mention that Sarah did a beautiful job on the bimah, chanting Torah and leading the service like a pro. I was asked to sing a Shalom Rav (a prayer for peace) at the afternoon service, which I happily did. It was wonderful to sing for these family members, many of whom have not seen me since I was a teenager.

Many of the strong, beautiful women in my family. From left to right: Nilda (Sarah's proud mama), cousin Gale Ann, Sarah, my Aunt Diane, my Aunt Bonnie, Aunt Perle, Aunt Mert (the two matriarchs of our family), my proud mama, me, cousin Edda.

All in all, it's been a beautiful, joyful summer which will continue with my cousin Whitney's baby shower later this month. I love having so many simchas to celebrate...as my Aunt Perle put it last week, "I might not be around for everything, but I never miss a simcha!" Wise words from a wise woman.

Mazal tov to my friends and family members: Katy and Erich, Josh and Emily, Hilary and Doug, Elizabeth and Kyle, and the entire Wolman family. It was a pleasure to celebrate with all of you. May your lives be filled with every happiness, and may we all have many more simchas in the years to come!

Also, thanks to those who supplied the pics that I stole from Facebook...

L'Hitraot

First of all, thanks for sticking by me despite my lack of posting as of late...it's been nice to take a little hiatus from blogging and adjust back to life as a normal person in a normal city. God I love St Louis...and no, I don't miss NYC one bit. School and people, yes. NYC, not one single tiny little minuscule bit.

A month ago (holy cow, it was a month ago!) my congregation in South Bend threw a lovely going away concert/benefit/reception in my honor. I was the "star" performer, along with congregant Dr. Steve Gerber on piano, and put on a concert of some of the Jewish music I've learned this year along with some favorites from the world of musical theater. The concert was a smashing success, with a great audience--including my mom and brother, who drove all the way from St Louis to surprise me! It was a wonderful way to say thank you to this congregation that's held me so lovingly all year long, and to say "L'hitraot"--not an official goodbye, but more like a "see you soon."

Towards the end of the concert, Rabbi Siroka presented me with a beautiful gift from the congregation and bestowed t'filat haderech, the traveler's prayer, upon me. After the concert the amazing Jewish mama's of the congregation threw a beautiful reception, complete with cake, flowers and punch, in my honor. It was the sweetest way to say goodbye to so many of my South Bend friends and family.

Huge thanks to those who worked so hard to plan such a lovely evening. I will remember it, and my time as Student Cantor at Temple Beth-El, for a very long time.

As excited as I am to be moving on and trying something new for the coming school year, I have to admit that I'm a little sad that I won't be returning to this congregation. I learned so many invaluable lessons on gimilut chasadim (deeds of kindness) and hachnasat orchim (welcoming guests) that I will carry with me throughout my career and my life as a Jew. I have loved hearing this congregation as they've sung and prayed with me, and I will miss their beautiful voices and sweet spirit for a long time to come. Thank you all for welcoming me so lovingly, and for allowing me to pray with you. It was truly an honor and a pleasure to serve as Student Cantor.

I leave you with pictures and the promise of a real post about my summer break thus far in the near future.

My wonderful accompanist, Steve, and I. Check out the flowers on the piano...did we coordinate that well or what?!

My friend and mentor, Rabbi Eric Siroka

My South Bend "Mama" extraordinare, Posi

My family, right after they surprised me. When I saw them walking through the door, I literally screamed...I was completely surprised!

Eric bestowing T'filat Haderech upon me.

The delicious cake made for the event...by an amazingly talented congregant, no less!

Afterglow

COMPS ARE OVER!!! And I lived to tell :)

For the full effect of just how good it feels to know they are over and done with, turn up the volume of your speakers as loud as they can go and then play the video.

This is the piece that the choir sung at Investiture/Ordination, right after the last new rabbi was ordained. If there's ever a time to burst into a song of this nature, that's it! (and after comps, of course :)) It's one of my new favorite pieces of choral music ever, probably because of it's connection to the event in which I first sang it. It's also so damn fun to sing and hear.

Those of you who've been with me since the beginning of this year know full well that it's been a rough year for me. I've had a rough transition to New York and everything that accompanies it; mice, public transportation, the different mannerisms of some of the people here, the fast pace, etc. It's also been a rough year in the Jewish world; my mentor lost her job at my home congregation, my good cantorial student friend was unable to get a job for next year, a lot of Jewish organizations have crumbled or faced extreme layoffs etc. This year, it's been especially hard to find inspiration to stay focused and excited about my future as a Jewish leader. For the first time ever, I felt myself losing my motivation to make this dream come true, which was both depressing and scary.

You all are probably also aware that the last few weeks have been especially crazy around here. As soon as Pesach was over (it was only 3 weeks ago!), I hit the ground running, writing a crazy-long Bible final, enjoying a visit to South Bend, planning and executing 2 very successful morning services, singing at Investiture/Ordination, finals week, comps, and now a concert for my last (!!!) visit to South Bend, a choir concert in Albany, moving home to STL for the summer, and singing in 2 weddings my first week home. It's still crazy around here, but I couldn't have asked for a better end to my semester.

I have to say that the end of this semester has been so great that I'd put up with this year all over again. Especially when you wake up in the morning and see the following email from a professor in your inbox:

"You were superb in every way.

Nuances!! Elegant phrases!!!

So much kavanah, in everything you sang, OMG, it was beyond great.

Thanks for the memories, and Kol Hakavod."

To all of you who've stuck by me this year, and who've read my sometimes depressing posts about my very real life here, I thank you. I so deeply appreciate your love and support, and you're a huge part of the reason that I've been able to stick it out. Todah Rabah to all of you.

What does a cantorial student do with herself the day after comps? She goes shopping for a pretty dress to wear to her concert on Saturday night, of course! I'm thinking a mani/pedi may also be in order :)

Comprehensive Exams!

Finals are over! Yay! After 3 intense weeks of work, reading, writing papers and music curricula, and a plethora of other things, it's finally summertime!

Oh, wait. We're cantorial students. Scratch that.

Now that finals are over, it's officially time for comprehensive exams. What does that mean?

It means lots of this:

Yep, it's a large. 32 ounces of fat free, caffeine-y, iced latte goodness. You know how I roll.

And a lot of time with these guys:

The works of Adolf Katchko (dark blue), Israel Alter (light blue), and Noah Schall (orange). They wrote the books on chazzanut (literally--there they are in the picture!) and we use them to learn how to daven in the traditional manner. I've spent so much time with them in the last few weeks that I feel extremely close to them now. If the books were actual people, we'd probably be close to married.

Finally, you throw in a traditional siddur, one that is used in a Conservative or Orthodox congregation. To help with organization, I've tabbed each prayer I need to sing. The colors represent the different services we're required to know for this year's exam.

I jokingly refer to this as "Tracy and the Siddur of Many Colors." There are actually blue tabs in there too, but they're hidden by the others. And in case you were wondering:

Pink=Kabbalat Shabbat
Green=Ma'ariv (Shabbat evening)
Orange=Shacharit (Shabbat morning)
Blue=Musaf

Basically, the gist of comps is to be able to pray from the siddur with as little music as possible. Most of what we have to sing is required from the siddur itself, meaning we have to memorize the melodies and sing from the actual text. We are able to use music for some of the longer, more difficult pieces, but they don't account for much of our exam. We also have to sing 2 contemporary pieces, one from our Contemporary Shabbat class last semester and one from our Contemporary Rosh Hashana class this semester.

The exams take about 30 minutes from start to finish, and are done in front of the Olympic judges (Okay, the entire SSM faculty.) It's more than a little intimidating and I am scared out of my mind to sing on Tuesday morning. Thank goodness we'll be well prepared (thanks to our classes and professors and the hours upon hours of practice time we've put into this) and we know everyone there is rooting for us.

And, the best part is that as of 11:00 Tuesday morning, it's officially SUMMERTIME!

Until then, send love my way, and keep your fingers crossed that my brain doesn't go to Bermuda when I'm on the bimah on Tuesday morning (it's only right to use a Steinsnyder-ism to end this post.)

Home to STL for the summer in 2 weeks!

Investiture/Ordination

Today was exactly what I needed to get back on the "being a cantor is a wonderful thing" bandwagon.

Today, 11 cantorial students and 14 rabbinical students went from being ordinary people, to extraordinary cantors and rabbis.

The ceremony was so beautiful; tons of good music (yours truly sang in the choir, and several of our amazing faculty sang special blessings and/or wrote music in honor of the class), lots of family members and friends, and beautiful blessings from the entire HUC community. The process of being invested or ordained is also quite lovely; one-by-one students are called up to the ark and given a special blessing by the HUC-JIR President, Rabbi David Ellenson. He spoke to each student while the student's choice of song was played on the organ, with his hands placed gently on each student's cheeks, later giving them each a kiss on the forehead and a big hug of congratulations.

The ceremony was so unlike my high school and college graduations; there was so much emotion in the air. After 5 years of school, I'd imagine one is ready to get out into the world and be an amazing cantor or rabbi. However, you're also saying goodbye to the friends and teachers who've been with you every step of the way.

And now instead of being friends and/or teachers, you're also colleagues. Weird to think about, but also kind of awesome.

It's also the realization of your wildest dreams; you're no longer planning on going to cantorial school or studying to become a cantor--you ARE a cantor. How cool must that be?

I spent the majority of today's service in tears. I've come to know and like these new cantors as I've enjoyed watching and/or participating in their recitals and sharing many a pracitcum discussion with them. They are amazing people and will make such necessary and great changes in the Jewish world. But more than that, I realized that there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel, a reason for struggling through comps and history papers and public transportation that's never on time.

Is it weird that I'm already envisioning Rabbi Ellenson's hands on my face, seeing my family, C-Squad members, and favorite faculty member beaming with pride, knowing that I've already accomplished my biggest life goal?

That vision is one I've needed for awhile now. And it's one that will carry me through terrible semesters like this one, not to mention finals and comps and apartment problems.

Throughout this rotten semester, I've spent a lot of time questioning my reasons for being here.
Feeling like I wasn't strong enough, good enough, talented enough to make it in the big, bad cantorial world.
Wondering if I had a place in this Jewish world that sometimes seems to put cantors on the backburner.
Worried about my own future and the future of the cantorate as a whole.

Today I remembered why I am here, and I became excited again to serve the Jewish people and to sing to God with gladness.

Most importantly, I remembered just how special this profession is. I get to sing my heart out to God on behalf of my people, bringing God's presence into their lives in a way that simple speech or reading never could. That fact alone is all I need to pull me through the roughest times of cantorial school and life in New York City.

Well, that and my ever-expanding list of song choices for my Investiture 3 years from now, of course :-)

Check It Out!

This is the beautiful flier that was put together to advertise the concert I am giving in South Bend, during my last scheduled visit with Temple Beth El. I know it's a drive for most of you, but if you are willing and able to come, I would LOVE to see you there!

PS--click on the link to enlarge the poster, so you can read about the details. It's a fun night of Jewish music and musical theater (is there really a difference, I ask you?)

This week, my friend Jill and I were responsible for leading morning t'fillah at school. Though we only had 2 days of school this week, our task was mighty, especially on the last day of classes.

It was Yom Hazikaron, Israeli memorial day for fallen soliders and victims of terrorist attacks. Unlike the United States, Israel's memorial day is taken very seriously, and is a solemn and sad day for Israelis.

It was also the last day of classes for the year. One of HUC-NYC's traditions on the last day of class is to invite up all of the graduating cantorial, rabbinical and education students to say Kaddish D'rabbanan, a special prayer that is said at the completion of one's studies.

As you can imagine, it was quite a challenge to create a service that maintained the sanctity
of Yom Hazikaron and celebrated the success of our classmates. Jill and I worked tirelessly last week to create a service that was meaningful, beautiful, and memorable.

It just goes to show that hard work and thoughtfulness can pay off in a big way. Our service went over beautifully--we were able to mourn the losses of the State of Israel while still singing and dancing with our graduates. Nothing was compromised, everything was remembered, and our efforts majorly worked in our favor. I sang well (people were complementing me even today, a full day later, on the service) and Jill delivered her teachings and blessings to the graduates with gusto.

I was also excited to deliver my first iyun (teaching) to the community. Before we sang Mi Chamocha, I offered up these words:

The following words were taken from the diary of Alex Singer, a 25-year-old fallen solider, written one year before his death near the Israel-Lebanon border.

As I progress toward the course's end
I feel a pang of fear.
Today I felt such fear.
If the war comes,
When the war comes,
I will have to lead men to die.
But those men were not men a short time ago
Some don't even shave yet.
And I will have to have the calm power
to yell to them
or to whisper
Kadima (onwards).
And,
I will have to have the calm power to step forward myself.

Just like Moses and the Israelites, Alex had a choice. Stay, and never know of the great miracles that might await him, or go and risk everything on the hope that eventually Israel would find freedom and peace. Unlike Moses and the Israelites, Alex was never able to witness his miracle. And yet, he pushed on, knowing that the miracle would come alive for us and countless others. Today, we sing for the miracle at the Red Sea, and the miracle that is yet to come, when young men and women will no longer need to give their lives for their country. Today, we sing for the miracle that is the Land of Israel.

I am proud of this service. Extremely proud. And honored that I was able to be a part of it.

Our t'fillah advisor, Cantor Benjie Schiller, said that we would look back on this service and be thankful for the opportunity to lead it. She was right. Not only did it feel good to lead such a powerful service, it felt good to stand confidently on the HUC bimah. After a rough semester and some rather embarrassing breakdowns at the bimah, I needed this t'fillah to regain my strength in my abilities. I'm hoping that that feeling of confidence will stay with me through comprehensive exams, when I need it the most.

We'll see!

There is so much stuff going on right now that I'd love to write about...maybe in between papers and/or comps cramming I can write about the college's current financial situation, ordination/investiture, comprehensive exams, summer plans, etc. Here's hoping!

BTW--if anyone knows of any summer job opportunities out there, please holler...this cantor wannabe needs a job!