I'm currently in the middle of finals week, blogging instead of working on my dreaded rabbinics final. I've knocked out my education and Jewish modes finals, and I've worked hard on my music theory final that I'll take in class on Thursday. Rabbinics, however, is another story. For whatever reason, I'm struggling to find the right words to say what I want to say and fill the 10-page length requirement. Therefore, I write little bits at a time and pray that it all comes together into a cohesive and articulate final exam. We'll see...
The best part of finals week? Knowing that it eventually comes to an end. This Friday, once all of my finals are completed and the semester is officially over, I am leaving for a visit to California to see my wonderful friends Mike and Joey. On Christmas eve, I'll hop on a plane to St Louis for my first trip home since August. It will be wonderful to get away for a couple of weeks, and even more wonderful to see my friends and family again.
As great as this semester has been, it's starting to get to me that I've had to miss so much in the lives of my family and friends in St Louis. My cousin's wedding, another cousin's visit to STL with her new baby boy, Thanksgiving; all of which I've missed because of work or school commitments. I'm struggling to find an appropriate balance of work and home, school and family. They're all important to me, and I feel like this semester the people in my life have taken a back seat to the profession in my life. It breaks my heart to think of the important things I've had to miss in the lives of my family and friends back home, for my own sake as much as everyone else's.
This semester I'm learning that I HAVE to take time out of my crazy schedule to be at home and with my friends all over the country. I also need to sleep, continue the healthy eating and exercise habits that seem to be on hiatus this semester, and find hobbies that have nothing to do with life as a cantor. Can I do it? I don't really know at this point. When is it okay to say to a professor or my boss, "I'm sorry I didn't get X accomplished, I was with my family this weekend."?
This program (and profession) is pretty great in that it constantly brings up questions, flaws, and hidden personality quirks that force you to stop, reflect, and attempt to find resolution.
For now, I live life like I write my rabbinics final...slowly and piece by piece, knowing it will all turn out just as it's meant to, in it's own time.